heartbreak. confession. [all dat i am]

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

so i heard from karla. na pumunta dw xa sa bahay nila knina. na galing xa dun. karla even hesitated to tell it to me. cguro iniicp nia masasaktan ako. na nagkita na pala sila. 3 times na. and karla asked me, kung hindi dw ba nia nabanggit sken. hell. at baket nga naman nia ikukwento. hindi naman nia ako girlfriend. at knina. when i opened karla's frendster profile, i saw his comment. never xa nagcomment sken. i know it's too shallow pero hindi e. ibig sbihin. mas importante c karla kaysa sken. anung petsa na. ni minsan hindi siya nagcomment sken sa frendster.

una, cno nga naman ako para magdemand. aia, hindi ka nia girlfriend. pero cnabi niang mahal ka nia. at ikaw naman, cnabi mo ring mahal mo xa. matagal ko na xang mahal. one yir na nga e. more than a year na. at nagkita na rin kme. thrice. at yung huli, january 2007 pa. after naming magkita nun, i prayed. sbe ko kay Lord, 'Lord, i trust in You. alam ko hindi mo naman ako hahayaang masaktan diba. Lord im praying na hindi ito ang huli.'


november na. 10 months na. 10 months na nung huli kmeng magkita. ang dami ng nangyari. month of may... nasaktan ako. iniwan nia na ako noon sa ere. bigla xang nawala noon. wala man lng 'hoy bitch. aalis muna ako ha. jan ka muna' khet gnun lang sana. ok lng sken un. pinalampas ko. nalungkot ako nun. kasi para akong kitten na iniwan pagka-anak. na hindi ko alam kung san pupunta. na san lulugar sa buhay nia. na ano ba ako? makina? na kung kelan nia lng gusto gamitin, saka lng ioon? again, i prayed that time. i prayed na mwala na ung pain. ung hurt. ung fears. ung worries. dat God will give me strenght everyday. dat God will restore the happiness na nawala saken nung mga panahong un.


at that time, schooldays were fast approaching. papunta na ako ng laguna nun. the day before i went to uplb, he sent a message. sa ym. i was shocked. kasi d ko na inexpect na magpapakita pa xa. i admit, naging masaya ako. nagkaroon ng hope sa sarili ko. na parang 'waw. what a good start. helow lb :]'


hanggang sa naging busy na ako. nagoonlyn ako pero bihira na lng kumausap. sa dami ng ginagawa. ng papers. ng lab exams. ng lecture exams sa bio. sa paepal na history2 under narito. everytym na magoonlyn ako. pinpm nia ako. naghehellow. nangangamusta. xempre nagrereply ako. xempre. masaya ako. cno bang boplaks ang hindi magiging masaya kapag kinausap at bumalik ung mahal mo dba. ah basta. ganun.


in those days, he used to say that he misses me so much. that he misses my face. my voice. he misses everything about me. xempre kinilig naman ako. sabi ko namis ko rin xa. sa mga conversations na un. i hesitated to ask kung bakit bigla xang nawala. eng-eng ko no? college scholar pa nman ako ng uplb. tas ang eng-eng ko sa pag-ibig. haha nakakahiya. ewan ko. d ko na nagawang itanong. sbe kc sa bible. sa definition of love, it keeps no record of wrongs. di ko na nga matandaan nung mga panahon na un, na 'ay sinaktan nga pla ako neto. eng-eng ko bket ko kinakausap na prang wala lng nangyari'


finals week. then sembreak. 1st sem is finally over. oct 23. hindi nia ako pinagoflyn. around 11 pm-12 am un. so oct 24 na rin. he said we should talk intimately. tapos un. ang dami-dami niang cnabi. that he even inserted something about our present and future. come on. dat night. hindi ko alam kung worst o best. he said i love u a lot of times. he even said that he'll court me. but i said no, im not ready, saka bawal, ayaw nila mama. at cnabi nia. maghihintay xa. kahit nman hindi nia sbihin nia maghihintay xa, deep inside me, im willing to wait for him. kasi, ive been praying for him since the start. cmula ng maging close kami. lagi na xang kasama sa prayers ko. na ingatan xa ni Lord just like how He protects me. na ipaabot ni Lord sa kanya, how much i love him. all those things.


after oct 24, nawala lahat. yes. all of a sudden nawala. oct 25, i sent a message in him sa ym. i said helow. kasi nga hindi xa namamansin. so ako na naunang nag-hi. ang reply nia. 'wuh?' dba parang wlang gana. naisip ko 'baka may topak to. prang not interested xa' so i stopped. hanggang dun na lng usapan namin. 2 lines.


the next days, werehistory :] wala na. hindi ko na xa ulet pinm. at hindi nia na ko pinansin mula nun. at yun nga. kanina, nalaman ko kay karla ung nakasulat sa taas. ung unang paragraph.
c len ung witness. i was talking to her kanina. she was comforting me up to best she could. tinanong ko nga c len. sbe ko 'len.. anu ba nagawa ko? hindi ko naman xa niloko ah. bket sken nia pa ginawa to? bket nia ako pinaikot? matagal na pla clang nagkikita ni karla.. bket hindi ko alam un? at nung cnabi nia sa stat msg niang he already found someone whom he can share the rest of his life with.. len alam ko hindi ako un! at kung hindi man smen ni karla un, alam ko merong iba. pero bket nia ginawa sken? born again xa len dba? kristiyano xa len. :c bket xa nanloko ng tao? tapos ako pa. ako pa na born again ang niloko nia. hindi ba xa nahihiya kay God sa ginagawa nia?'


you freak. i have a lot of things to say. i have a lot of questions. but i know im not in the position to do such. pero hinde. niloko mo pa rin ako. mali rin ako. oo. kasi umasa ako. pero, hindi naman ako aasa kung hindi mo cnabing mahal mo ako e. hindi naman ako bobo para hindi maintindihan kung gano kalalim ung mga salitang binitawan mo sa harap ko.
hindi ko alam. kung kaya pa ba kitang harapin. moving on? madali lng yan. 3 kaya laboratory ko this sem. haha. sana maisip mo. na hindi lang ako niloko mo. pati c Lord. pati c God. lahat ng mga taong nagmamahal saken. niloko mo. pinaikot mo.


hindi ako galit sayo. pero wag mong asahan, na kapag nagkita tayo, makikita mo pa ung ngiti ko. healing takes time naman e. i know il forget you. forgiveness? mapapatawad naman kita eh. pero wag mo asahang mdali. next month pwede na. lol. magiisip muna ako.



i want to go to laguna. i miss UP :]


.xai. babytalked at 4:31 AM

*******

Friday, December 22, 2006

o dba sbe nga sken ni carljoy mgkakaroon na dw ang pinas ng prime minister ang pinas.. e nde ko pa dw to inuupdate.. (oo na : e kc nga ano mggwa ko e sa tinatamad na nga ako) sa mga babasa ni2.. kung meron man.. o yan obvious nman na more than a month ko na to nde inuupdate.. at habang ngta-type ako d2 cge nman ang hang ng pc ko dhil sa virus... pero dhil mabaet ang aking tito-ninong... aaucn nia na dw tosa xmas vacation ko kya malamang e mwala muna ako sa ym list nio...

xmas party nmin knina... aun dameng pgkaen.. grabe naumay ako dun ah.. pero msarap.. and unfortunately wla pa ung gift ko galing kay solis.. wla e nagmamaasim xa kya nde pa ko nabilhan ng regalo.

Q&A:

1 Nabalitaan nmin na nkipag-EB ka na nman dw nung dec 16 sa market2?
- uu 22o yan... ksama ko ung pinsan kong nagmamagnda... at andun nga c kevin naghihintay sken sa labas ng the mob... (cno c kevin? mmaya ko ssgutin yan ogeey) nagpusoy dos kme nila aj at kuya drew... msaya nman c aj kc natalo nmin xa... ok lng un sa knya tutal mas matangkad nga nman xa sken sbe nia...

2 Musta nman kau ni bob?
- eto lng msasabe ko jan "sbe ko lng nman kei God gus2 ko mging masaya e.. sobra nga ung binigay nia e.. pero kelangan ba tlagang my msaktan akong iba?" o dba ang drama ko.. epekto ata yan ng greenwhich, baked mac, cake, donut, ice cream, at sprite knina sa skul.

3 Musta nman ang grades mo?
- xempre yan ung isang bgay na nde ko pinapabayaan.. wg ka mag-alala mataas grades ko...

4 Bakit nga pla ngaun ka lng ng-update?
- wala kc ako malagay e.. ska gus2 ko pg ng update ako ung lahatan na pra mdameng mababasa...

5 Ano balak mo this xmas?
- wla nman msyado.. bka nga ma2log lng ako tpos gumala sa gabi ksama pinsan ko... 2 lng kc kme ng mama ko sa bhay kya un mejo malungkot.. kya eto twagan nio ko sa xmas ha.. 7792312

6 Anong bday wish mo?
- xempre unang una gus2 kong pumasa sa UP diliman... sa ateneo ska sa la salle... xempre lhat nman ata gus2 nun dba...2nd, kung my nsaktan man akong tao, sna mapatawad nia ko... 3rd, sna lahat ng taong mahal ko maging msaya...

7 Game na cno c kevin?
- so feeling mo ssbhin ko tlaga cno xa... yoko nga.. eto ym ko o kwento ko. pink_fairyelf o kya twagan mo ko..o cge na.. vavay :)

kulang pa ba yan? kung kulang pa.. pki lagay na lng sa comments tpos ssgutin ko ha :)


.xai. babytalked at 7:12 PM

*******

Sunday, November 12, 2006

wew.. it's been a long tym since ive made my last post... too many things had happened... this morning i went to ate radz jst to help me understand that fck organic chem... all those alkanes alkenes and alkynes... yeah honestly i dont like the subject... o talagang pang-algebra at geom lng ako.. hahaha.. at nde pra sa science... but i think it also depends on the teacher.. on how he/she will teach the lesson... and aun nga... kay ate radz ko lng naintindhan ung lhat ng un.. then i also went to nika pra magpatulong mag-design nung kasanib ek ek na un ni mama.. tpos my dugie xa hahahaha c king.. amf.... natkot ako dun in fairness... pero in the end narealize ko din na nde xa nangangagat.. hahaha. then nung friday... nilibre ako ni rei at nika dun sa tapsilogan... haha tas kasabay ko cla umuwi...

for those who will read this.. pls pray for my the father of my friend... he was rushed in the hospital e.. X_X.... pls pray for him ayt? X_X lablab.


.xai. babytalked at 5:28 PM

*******

Saturday, November 04, 2006

binabati ko po ung pinsan kong mataba na c BJ NAOMI ABANO (insan wlang enye d2..haha) ... ngpaburn sken ng sangkatutak na mp3's.. at aun sipsip na nman xa sken porket my favor hahaha... ska ung kuya kong malupet at poging poging c kuya TRES aka VIC ZHOU ahahahaha... pti ung mga dumadaan d2 sa blog ko na cla ate mandee, tita evita, ate cha.. c joy.. uhm.. c kuya luis... haha aun.. :)


.xai. babytalked at 7:33 PM

*******

Friday, November 03, 2006

aw.. i was not able to make a post yesterday because of certain reasons... (wuuu if i know tinamad ka lng tlaga hahaha) at kung kelan friday na ska nman kme nakumpleto.. (referring to faraday).. gulat nga ako sbe ba nman ni mam serra smen.. "kung kelan friday na ska nman kau nagsipasok" hahaha.. imagine.. gc na teacher ssbhin un.. gawsh.

at eto pa.. mam larcena was not around.. as well as mam san pascual.. grabe hahaha.. pero aun as usual my iniwan na ggwin.. pero ok lng weekend nman e.. dpat nga d na lng ako pumasok.. : e kc nman c mam serra lng ung teacher knina pti mam dumaya.. i just finished my values workbuk and mapeh notes and passed it for the completion of requirements... and im still waiting for my grupm8s in mapeh to be online so that we can start our project... see yah. lavlav. :)


.xai. babytalked at 2:13 AM

*******

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

"sayang"

hi hi hi... no classes today.. sbagay khet nman bukas wla din akong psok kc wlang psok ang faraday hahahaha.. sariling sched dw sbe nila... kya d dw kme ppsok bukas... o well.. ma2loy nman kya un... niwei.. i woke up 11 am.. ate my lunch at eto na nman ako facing my pc khet na init na init na ko sa panahon.. nde nman summer pero bket kya ang init init...

knina lng ate evita talked to me... aun.. feeling of regrets ung cnabi nia sken.. about wat happened to us.. and yesterday it was karla.. asking if wer still together.. and she said na syang dw.. bec 10 months na kme... and last sunday it was ate dee who also said the word sayang. yeah andun na ko.. of course i was hurt.. so as he.. but the feeling of emptiness will keep on haunting me if we would not stop this.. it's so hard being away from each other.. without sum1 whom u can lean on if u want to cry.. sum1 who will comfort u when trouble comes ur way.. and sum1 whom u can share laughters.. but im not absolutely blaming him for this.. it is not his fault nor mine.. its just that maybe.. cupid strucks his arrow on the right person but at the wrong time.. regrets are here... im trying to move on.. sometimes i dont like it when people ask me if we are still together.. it is because i dont know what and how will i say it... and i know what will be their responses.. i miss our games.. the archives.. the daily conversations.. or simply i just miss him... i wonder wat he is doing right now.. how's his day.. if he still eats on time and prays before sleeping.. and i wonder if his heart still beats for me.. you know who you are... YEAH DADI I MIS U SO MUCH.


.xai. babytalked at 12:53 PM

*******

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

new blog? yeah :) i swear i wont give any link to csgamegodd aka christian ponce. sheeesh. so aun.. i went home early kc halos wla ng natira sa clasrum ng faraday hahahaha.. and mind u.. we only had 2 classes.. namely math and english.. lol.. sumabay ako kay baby together with vicky, abel, mark, mec, and keith shine..

hihi. :) and u know wat.. im currently wearing an eyeliner. hahaha.. sponsored by kim hahaha.. visit her page huh. http://exposedvanity.blogspot.com.. first post.. :) hehe. il post our poems (bob and i) when i hve the tym.. il jst transfer our poems here.. and oh btw.. thanks also to carljoy who helped me a lot in making a new blog.. laaavyaa joy. :) try to visit his page.. the link is in loved ones.

see u. :) mwah. lablab.

edited*
yesterday der was a site in which u will upload your picture and they will give u ur celebrity look-alikes.. so here's mine.. http://img304.imageshack.us/img304/4107/lukalikeoh2.jpg o dba ang level hahaha song hye kyo e no.. e crush ko lng un hahaha... pero d yan22o...


.xai. babytalked at 12:21 AM

*******

mademoiselle aia



.aia jean rase taguinod.
.sixteen.
.in love with Jesus.
.UP Los BaƱos.
.BS Nutrition.
.old freshman.
.college scholar.
.december 27 1990.
.loves chem series.
.loves math.
.in love with johnny depp.
.makati.
.i am unique.
.i am smart.
.i am beautiful. this is my blog mind you. haha.
.internet sucker.
.pink sucker.
.kisses sucker.
.i am not so romantic and currently broken.
.flings are bullshit. i hate two timers. but i'll be one someday haha.

contact details
friendster: mirror_027@yahoo.com
yahoo: pink_fairyelf@yahoo.com

home:7792312

mobile:09284543678

Archives
* October 2006
* November 2006
* December 2006
* November 2007


leave ur mark:




loved ones:

..kenneth♥. ..len♥. ..naomi♥. ..nika♥. ..andrea. ..kim♥. ..dianne. ..denib. ..jonell. ..arvin. ..teresa. ..camille. ..lotta♥. ..loren♥. ..lea. ..april. ..andee2. ..faraday website. ..angelgirl. ..Carl Joy♥. ..cielo. ..maksci school website. ..lea. ..camz. ..mandee. ..mobius lav. ..pyrO Guild. ..Tres♥. ..aj♥. ..carL. ..eunice. ..ryan. ..bobxai. ..drew♥. ..marijyke.

Designed by Tuskudrusla


Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com